If BNI Doesn’t Work Out For You, Try Not To Take It Personally

This is something that I have been ruminating on for years.  As an 11+ year member of Manhattan 7 chapter, I have seen many things. BNI is not for everyone.  There are rules, there’s that every week thing, and there is also that morning meeting thing. Many people are brought up networking on an event by event basis (usually in the evenings).  Many people think they are doing great if they hit one a month.

That first month of BNI membership is a cold cold shower. You have entered that next level of networking commitment, where you think of others first.

I have seen great people have a not so great time in BNI.

I have seen members give up their seats.

I have seen applicants not make the cut

And at the end of the day, they should all remember that this doesn’t reflect on them as people, not even as entrepreneurs.  It just may not have been a good fit for that particular chapter.

Sometimes:

An applicant’s category overlaps with a new member’s category, and it’s better not to confuse the chapter with these similarities.  If the chapter hasn’t yet figured out what the new member does, how harmonious will it be to add to that mix with this newer eager applicant?  It may be best to pass.  Nothing to do with their personality or business savvy.

A member can’t seem to attend the meetings on time or hardly at all. BNI has rules about this.  And beyond the rules, what does it say if you make it a habit to disregard your fellow members?  You’re not there to hear their commercials.  You’re not there to give your commercial.  How can they schedule 1-2-1′s if they don’t see you?  Out of sight is truly out of mind. If  you sit in a coveted seat (meaning that your profession is a cherished one) and don’t really feel like contributing, you are preventing the chapter from gaining by having someone else in your seat that could be a better fit.  What about the 3-4 power partners that could be having banner years because all the members of that power team are in sync and looking out for each other?  You may be asked to leave because you are breaking BNI rules, but you are also violating the spirit of Givers Gain.

BNI may not be for you.  Nothing personal.  You may be a relaxed networker who knows a great many people.  You may never feel right about handing in white sheets of paper with names and contact info.  This structure may never be your thing. Or your contacts may not be as outgoing as you are, so when you ask them to be receptive to another person calling, they tell you one thing and do another.  At some point those slips of paper you hand in become just that…paper.

There are lots of networking opportunities elsewhere.  You can flourish at lunchtime networking, or speed networking, or evening parties.  You can be the envy of your colleagues at monthly or quarterly meeting groups.  And those groups that don’t have quotas or quantifiable levels of participation could be the right place for you.

In BNI, when you are modeled after Givers Gain, then the focus becomes the good of the chapter before individual members.  Hard decisions have to be made sometimes.  But, they are never personal.

I have seen people who were run out of groups go on to great success.  People are rarely asked to leave (or not join) BNI because they are bad at their professions.  

So, when a BNI chapter says, “It’s not you, it’s us,” that’s not a line.

Tagged as: BNI, Business Network International, Givers Gain, membership, networking, relationships